who is this idiot anyway?

hi im jams, internet funnyman supreme and eccentric freak beast. i like creating things, though my persistent fatigue gets in the way. (i think my medication dosage might be too low.) i also like consuming other media! my favourite medium for stories is video games, and i would like to make an rpg maker game someday. (click on the image for a list of my interests, once i add it)
i listen to a variety of music, but primarily vocaloid/other vocal synthesizers. a lot of my favourite producers fly under the radar, and i get a little mad about it. i also really like any sort of "stick figure" character design! its very special to me, even though not all my original characters fit it.

i live in canada, and right now i dont see myself leaving it anytime in the future. i want to become a welder someday, so i can hopefully work on and off to save energy for my creative work. and i know its a pipe dream, but i want to be able to financially support my boyfriend if hes ever able to move here.
i still havent graduated high school, even after 4 years, because i can only handle alternative school so its hard to find the right course offerings.
i can read french (used to be fluent, but i havent needed to use it in years) and im trying to learn japanese but i never bother to study. maybe someday i could pick up korean, or maybe kanienʼkéha, but i dont know how much language my brain can hold before it fucking explode

most of my creative work is digital art, but sometimes i make custom levels for the game "rhythm doctor"try searching "jams" in the author field here!, and (very rarely) make music. i would also like to get into mapmaking in rpg maker, in part because i would like to contribute to the in-dev yume nikki fangame "collective unconscious". i want to make more things with my hands, but getting supplies is difficult. i do kandi sometimes. im out of the Good string right now though.

ive been drawing gore since i was 12, and body horror since well before then. i love unusual themes in media, and ive always had a strong sense for the "vibes" of tropes and scenarios, for lack of a better word. despite how the internet has ascribed a sexual connotation to a lot of the things i enjoy, i would not consider my interest in unusual content to be a kink or fetish. (having my artwork construed as pornographic when it isnt supposed to be is a pervasive fear of mine. please dont do that, ill probably cry.)
im nonbinary and mentally ill, so thats probably why im like this? but also its just fun to dick around with weird art. im very passionate about said weird art, and im always open to talk about it with friends. ^_^ personally i think project moon handles this kinda stuff really well in their works. doesnt feel gratuitous or fetishistic, nor like shock material, nor watered-down. its nice. need more stuff like that. want to make stuff like that

ive found myself caring less about internet discourse in recent years. maybe thats just part of growing up? my opinions havent really changed, i still align with the "anti" perspective & whatnot, but i dont care enough to argue with people online. like i could care less what proshitters and lolicon are doing online. i think theyre objectively shitty people & id like them to stay away from me, but like. not my toilet not my shit. theres always gonna be gross freaks out there. ill curate my own circle and i dont really care what new kinds of degeneracy theyre cooking up on 4chan and twitter.
either way id prefer that you fuck off if youre one of those types or whatever? i dont want to talk to you. on a less severe note, if youre just overly stuffy or hard to interact with, or like really chronically online, we might not get along. if i feel like im walking on eggshells or have to keep secrets around you ill prolly just wear thin really fast.

i like to call myself not human, or not real, but i dont experience any sort of delusions. i just like referring to myself in strange ways. i suppose i could call it gender expression? i dont really like traditional labels, though. i dont bother to call myself anything other than trans/nonbinary or queer. my orientation is a mystery, aside from "if you think im hot that means youre gay". if i had to label myself id probably say bi grey-ace or something but like i dont give a shit just dont misgender me on purpose or whatever

i generally try to be a nice person. ideally, id like to be seen as trustworthy and approachable. i struggle with controlling my behaviour sometimes due to a cocktail of mental problems, but i try to make up for that by being kind. i like to look for the love and beauty in the world wherever i can find it; it keeps me sane, and keeps me stubborn. i believe in the indomitability of the human spirit, and i want to overcome whatever odds ill face. i think ive turned into a bit of a romantic lately

back
about
it/its or they/them
17 (11/05/2004)
adhd + ???
white
5'10"
fort4/prud5/temp3/just5

likes
silly animals & bugs
my friends & partner
pathetic wet dog type men
drawing weird gross stuff
literary analysis
internet rabbitholes
analyzing said rabbitholes

dislikes
excessive pressure
real-life syringes
uncertainty
overly grimdark settings
the "experience machine" thought experiment